Reasons Why I’m Not a Houseplant:

  1. Dirt

  2. I’d get so mad if someone forgot to water me

  3. Green is a nice color but it is not my favorite color

  4. The possibility of strange microbe creatures eating me

  5. Being shoved in some corner seems unpleasant

  6. Not being able to choose my own pot to live in

  7. Insufferable boredom
  8. Fear of becoming a plaything for house-pets